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  • Writer's pictureFrank Victoria

Remembering Groucho Marx

During the first half of the 20th century, the five Marx Brothers—Chico, Harpo, Groucho, Gummo, and Zeppo—established themselves as one of the most popular comedy acts of stage, screen, and radio. They were a smash hit on Broadway, and together they made 13 movies, including comedy classics such as Duck Soup and A Night at the Opera.

Groucho Marx was the third-born of five brothers and was the first to embark on a stage career at the age 15. He went on to become the most famous of the siblings. He was known for his razor-sharp wit as well as his distinctive appearance—bushy black eyebrows, thick mustache, and an ever-present cigar.


Groucho’s absurd humor included slapstick, puns, and punchy one-liners. His witty quips made him eminently quotable—but also hugely misquoted. Below are a few of his quips.


  • Please accept my resignation. I don’t want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.

  • I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

  • I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go into the library and read a good book.

  • Somebody once said there's only two things that are important: sickness and death. And since you don't have either of them, you should be very happy.

  • Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.

  • From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.

  • I know, heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns.

  • I never forget a face, but in your case I’d be glad to make an exception.

  • One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know.

  • If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.

  • Middle age is when you go to bed at night and think you’re going to feel better in the morning. Old age is when you go to bed at night and hope you wake up in the morning.

  • Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

  • Now there’s a man with an open mind—you can feel the breeze from here.

What say you? Do you have a favorite quip of Groucho’s … or from another comedian?


Frank Victoria is an award-winning author and screenwriter. He’s been an Amazon bestseller with his recent book,The Founders’ Plot, a political thriller for our times. He donates proceeds of his books to Tunnels to Towers and Fisher House, helping military veterans and first responders. His novella,The Ultimate Bet is available on his website and Amazon. Check out his new website: Frank M. Victoria

© 2024 Frank Victoria

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